Reboot Day 79: Dumb Things

I’ve done two dumb things since the last time I blogged.

The first was doing the Bris­tol Half Marathon yes­ter­day. Now, don’t get me wrong, run­ning a half marathon is a very reward­ing, fan­tas­tic thing to do. And I raised a chunk of money for char­ity. But believe me, my thigh mus­cles think it was a pretty dumb thing to do. Despite dunk­ing myself in a cou­ple of very long, hot Radox baths, and going for some walks to try to stop myself from going com­pletely solid, they’re still complaining.

When I came back from my last walk, climb­ing painfully down my base­ment steps, my legs seemed as stiff as they’d been when I climbed painfully up those same steps on the way out.

Which leads me to the sec­ond dumb thing I did today, which was cook­ing steak. Again, not too dumb per se — though some Bud­dhists tend toward the veg­e­tar­ian, I’ve not looked too closely at that bit of my life yet — but dumb for a dif­fer­ent rea­son. Because I kept the kitchen door open just too long, and man­aged to set off the fire alarm for the whole house — all five flats.

It’s a loud fire alarm. It demands your atten­tion in no uncer­tain terms, and you don’t really want to be the guy who cries “wolf” and gets faced with peeved peo­ple from the other four flats.

So, I was straight out my front door, up the stairs, and into the com­mu­nal hall­way above, twist­ing that “reset” key on the alarm box in about twenty sec­onds flat.

It was only when I’d got back down the steps and closed my front door that I realised what I’d done. Yes, just run up and down those same steps I’d hob­bled gin­gerly up and down ear­lier on, cling­ing onto the rail­ings and doing that “get halfway down then drop the last few inches with a wince” kind of stair-climbing.

So. That was my con­crete reminder for the day that even phys­i­cal suf­fer­ing can be all in the mind — or at the very least, if you’re not actively cling­ing to it, you can com­pletely for­get it’s there, not even notice it.

I won­der if I were truly mind­ful, would I feel that pain in my legs? Or would I realise that three quar­ters of the pain was my own expec­ta­tion of suf­fer­ing, a men­tal pro­jec­tion on a minor phys­i­cal ail­ment, that in other cir­cum­stances I wouldn’t even notice?

Some­thing to pon­der, anyway.

Today’s med­i­ta­tion: too late, and too tired. But heck, it’s the day after a half-marathon. I think being tired is allowed.

Reboot Day 78: Half Marathon Meditation

I think med­i­ta­tion before a half-marathon is good for you. For one thing, it was only when I sat down to med­i­tate that I remem­bered I hadn’t filled in the details on the back of the race num­ber that I’d already pinned to my shirt!

But on a deeper level, I think that mind­ful­ness helps a lot when run­ning long dis­tances. The abil­ity to remain in the moment, check­ing in with your mus­cles, with any ten­sion you’re car­ry­ing and let­ting it go — as much as you can — is use­ful. Plus you don’t want to be think­ing too much into the future. If you look ahead at all the miles you’ve got to go, it seems like a pretty daunt­ing task all the way, because even on the last few miles you’re pretty exhausted, and run­ning just one more seems harder. Well, it does if you’re me, anyway.

So, I think that med­i­ta­tion will def­i­nitely help today. We’ll see. Any­way, I’ve just got to fill in the back of this race num­ber, and I’ll see you in at least thir­teen miles time…

Reboot Day 26: Walking In This World

I tried a walk­ing med­i­ta­tion this morning.

I didn’t take the boat to work — I nor­mally take a lit­tle ferry from my end of the har­bour to the City Cen­tre — but instead got out of the door a bit ear­lier than nor­mal so I could walk it and still be in for 9am. I decided I’d walk down to the har­bour­side, where I can stop wor­ry­ing about cross­ing busy roads, and then kick off a fifteen-minute walk­ing meditation.

It was lovely, and quite suc­cess­ful, espe­cially the first half, I’d say.

I often walk along the har­bour­side, but I’m habit­u­ally insu­lated from the world by an iPod, nor­mally play­ing some pod­cast or other. It’s more often techno-fare like Leo Laporte’s shows than any­thing with more spir­i­tual aims, too, though some­times I’ll lis­ten to a Mind­fulist or a Zen­cast episode. But what­ever I’m lis­ten­ing to, it’s a time-shifted piece of some­one else’s world that I’ve vol­un­tar­ily stuffed up my ears with, keep­ing out the real­ity I’m walk­ing through.

And some­times it’s good to get a reminder of what you lose when you do that. Not hav­ing the head­phones in, con­cen­trat­ing on my breath, try­ing to keep my thoughts from spi­ralling out of con­trol, and out of obser­va­tion, I noticed so many extra things.

The sounds, the seag­ull cruis­ing a few inches above the har­bour sur­face, the flow­ers — so many flow­ers! — the early-morning peo­ple, the feel of my feet along the pavement…

It was great to be so present in the world.

One other bonus was that I was tired this morn­ing, and I’m even more tired now. By the time my nor­mal med­i­ta­tion time swings around — 6pm at the ear­li­est, really — I’m going to be com­pletely bushed, and if I were to med­i­tate this evening, I’d just be a droopy-eyed unfo­cused mess.

Instead, walk­ing through the fresh morn­ing air in the bright light, that just wasn’t a problem.

I did drift out of mind­ful­ness here and there, some­times pro­ject­ing into the future, won­der­ing what the weather would be like today, some­times into the past, wor­ry­ing about past actions and deci­sions, things I can’t change. And some­times I was tempted to stop and take a pho­to­graph, though I resisted that until some­time around the thir­teenth minute of the fif­teen, and even then, did it mindfully.

One thing that really struck me, though, was the dif­fer­ence between the first half of my walk, med­i­tat­ing, and the sec­ond half, once my iPhone had buzzed in my pocket to tell me the fif­teen min­utes were up. I don’t know whether that was the key dif­fer­ence, or whether it was sim­ply because there are an awful lot more peo­ple about, and inter­ac­tion with peo­ple, on the sec­ond half of the walk, but I found myself being very judgemental.

By that, I mean there was an almost-constant nar­ra­tive in my head of “God, what’s she wear­ing,” or “Why is that pranny rid­ing his bike so intim­i­dat­ingly behind those peo­ple on the pave­ment,” or any one of tens of moments of imme­di­ate, unin­formed judge­ment and, if I’m hon­est, dislike.

Now, I’m quite often like that. Really, it’s some­thing I’ve noticed a lot of the time when I’m walk­ing around town. I don’t know if it’s morn­ing grumpi­ness, a gen­eral mis­an­thropy, or some com­bi­na­tion of those and other things. And I don’t know whether the med­i­ta­tion was staving it off at all, or whether the first half of my walk was just lack­ing in tar­gets, because it was quieter.

But it’ll be inter­est­ing to do this exper­i­ment a few dif­fer­ent ways — maybe I can med­i­tate for the last half of the walk next time — and it’s fan­tas­tic to add a tool to my med­i­ta­tion tool­box that means I’ve got a good option for ground­ing myself and med­i­tat­ing on the days when I’m a lit­tle more tired, and when I know I’m less likely to want to med­i­tate in the evening.

Have you tried walk­ing med­i­ta­tion? If not, I rec­om­mend it. Mind­ful­ness should be about more than being mind­ful in the per­fect cir­cum­stances, sit­ting in a quiet room with your eyes closed. You should try to carry your mind­ful­ness out into the world with you, and walk­ing med­i­ta­tion is a great way to do that. And it’s good exer­cise, too!

Reboot Day 19: Predictable

A sadly pre­dictable med­i­ta­tion today. I was tired — I went to bed on time last night, and it felt like I slept pretty soundly, but I woke up tired and with a headache that I didn’t really shake.

I went for a 5K jog before this evening’s run, but even that, fol­lowed by some food, that nor­mally perks me up a bit, at least, didn’t help me keep any con­cen­tra­tion tonight. It was basi­cally just 15 min­utes sit­ting and drift­ing, pretty uncon­trol­lably, with no notice­able moments of focus.

Oh well. Again, I’m not going to let this put me off my plan of going to bed early this week and see­ing if it makes a dif­fer­ence long-term. So, with that, to bed. See you tomorrow.