So far, my hol­i­day isn’t a great suc­cess. Today I’ve been tired and headachey. So far I’ve been noth­ing but tired, in fact. I’ve also been expe­ri­enc­ing quite a lot of sad­ness, and almost des­per­a­tion, in fact.

This pause in my life seems to have brought with it an oppor­tu­nity for self-examination, and I’m not lik­ing what I’m see­ing, frankly. I look at the happy young cou­ples on the beach, for exam­ple, and it makes me des­per­ately regret­ful, because I’ve never been part of a happy young cou­ple on a beach, and I never will, now.

So, not the best frame of mind to med­i­tate in, really. Although it was mostly the tired­ness that was affect­ing my fif­teen min­utes, just now. Too tired to con­cen­trate prop­erly, mostly just drift­ing through the ses­sion, occa­sion­ally try­ing to focus on my breath, but it never lasted long.

So. That’s my hol­i­day so far, in a nut­shell. Still, maybe if I can get some sleep, I’ll be awake enough for some decent self-examination in a future ses­sion. I really need to med­i­tate on what I’m going through right now, I think.